She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
