I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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