Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize