he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
