Having a random hookup so left but love u
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
