So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
