He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
