On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
