I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
