My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize