i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
