Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
