So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
