I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize