oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
