Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
