just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
