i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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