i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
