yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
