This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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