First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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