how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
