it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You are the jesus of drinking
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
