the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
