I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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