yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
