she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
