dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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