I am full of burrito and curiosity
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
