I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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