May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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