I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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