OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
