yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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