Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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