I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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