Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
