Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
