Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize