so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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