my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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