Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
tell me about the eggs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize