if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Randomize
