why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My vagina is officially offended.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
