and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
