Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
