Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
