And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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