Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
