I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
