summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
