god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He passed out mid-signature
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
