dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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