I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
