He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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