I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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