I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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