He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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