Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
