Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize