every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
