that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
