i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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