so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
