you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
