I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
