like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
