Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
