Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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