Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
