There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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