no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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