chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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