Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
