The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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