the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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