Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
