i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize