just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
