You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
