no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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