am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
