I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
