She said her name was "party"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
