Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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