OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
