billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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